I hope Tessy won’t mind if I admit this was not disinterested gift giving – I had a blast browsing through the book on Christmas day – but I fell in love with the concept of the book and just had to find someone to give it to. Knowing that Tessy thinks Heston is fairly close to Total Perfection himself, I knew she would be the perfect recipient.
Thinking about Heston’s quest for culinary Total Perfection got me pondering my quest for Sartorial Total Perfection. I think I’ve always had in my head a Platonic Ideal Wardrobe – not quite the capsule wardrobe of white shirts and LBD’s that fashion editors advocate, but the Ideal Wardrobe For Everything I Need To Do On A Semi Regular Basis. I often feel like my whole life has been a quest for this Platonic Ideal Wardrobe, my own personal Total Perfection – but with a catch. Unlike Heston, who can definitively trace the origins and give the for-all-time perfect recipe for Roast Chicken, thereby achieving Total Perfection, the shadows in my Platonic Ideal Wardrobe are constantly shifting and changing – not much, but enough that my Platonic Ideal Wardrobe is always under review. Additionally, even when I do hit upon a Platonic Ideal Wardrobe piece, inevitably, through wear and tear, it will cease to be a part of the Platonic Idea Wardrobe. Sad but true – as I wrote in the very first post on this blog, fashion is so exciting because we live our lives in it, and unfortunately our garments are often casualties of this lively engagement with fashion.
You can see that the quest for sartorial Total Perfection is a little more complicated than the quest for culinary Total Perfection. But just because something is complicated is absolutely not an excuse to give up on it (a sentiment that, if I were Vice Chancellor, all PhD students would have forcibly tattooed on the backs of their hands by way of an orientation and welcome to Higher Degree Research).
So, what are the most important elements of my Platonic Ideal Wardrobe, as it stands, at the very present?
The Summer Sandal
These are a particularly important, and particularly challenging, part of my quest for Total Wardrobe Perfection, for a couple of reasons. Number One: I have incredibly wide feet, with high arches, and narrow heels. This makes shopping for shoes that are actually going to get heavy duty wear akin to the quest for the holy grail. These sandals have been a godsend this summer, because, for the first time in years, I have a leather sandal-type shoe, which does not look orthopaedic, has a decent yet sturdy heel, is well ventilated and can accommodate all of my particular foot quirks. In short, I have achieved Total Summer Sandal Perfection, thanks to Joanne Mercer. But, as mentioned above, once perfection has been achieved, there is the matter of taking care of wear and tear. I’ve already had the inner leather lining replaced, and the toes are beginning to scuff. After careful ministrations to these scuffs and scratches, no one is too much the wiser, but still, the quest for the perfect summer sandal is one that I know I will face again and again after these sandals have retired to the cave of desecrated Platonic ideals.
The Black Pump
While we’re on the subject of shoes, I would be remiss if I left out my other Platonic Ideal Shoe – my black pumps. These were a serendipitous purchase last February when I was in Scotland. At 12 pounds, made from leather and featuring a cute ruff at the top, I decided it was worth the suitcase squish to bring these home. Upon arrival, I commenced kicking myself for not buying these super comfortable, goes-with-everything bargains in the two other colours available, and I haven’t stopped kicking myself since. Again, like the summer sandals, what makes these shoes ideal is that they have a heel, and it’s substantial, but it’s also broad and well balanced with the rest of the shoe, giving maximum walking comfort. But, like my summer sandals, these too are constantly being taken to the Shoe Hospital for reconstructive surgery – replacing the lining and the heel caps. Incidentally, would anyone else from ANU join me in requesting that we re-do the pebblecrete that dominates our campus walkways? I’m blaming this uneven, hard surface for ripping to shreds the heel caps on most of my good shoes. Just saying, if we want to regain and maintain our status as a world class institution, we need to think of these things.
The It’s Too Hot To Live Dress
Luckily, this year we have had a cooler summer than usual in the ‘[Berra. I say luckily, because, for me, summer is the worst time of year. I melt, literally, as soon as we climb past 28 degrees. I don’t know why – I guess I’m just a naturally warm blooded – but whilst I can tolerate winter comfortably with a good coat and a big scarf, I simply cannot deal with heat, and I find myself entering a state of complete discombobulation in December, only regaining complete use of my faculties in March. As the Dreamboat said the other week, without any tone of facetion, it’s too hot to live. Aside from trying to live when it’s simply too hot to, the matter of how to dress oneself when it’s boiling is another quest for Total Perfection I seem to be perpetually on. Summers past, I had a nice rotation of floral sundresses, with very daring necklines, which worked well and kept me moderately cool. However, I got sick of sunburnt cleavage – it’s almost as painful as a sunburnt bottom, the misfortune of which I have experienced (but that’s a post for another time). I also became concerned about the more serious impacts of sun exposure to my décolletage, tanned hide not being a look I am particularly keen on, at least outside of shoes and bags. So, this summer I’ve steered away from my flirty florals and towards a modified, sun safe (ish) too-hot-to-live-dress. Although it’s not totally perfect – it’s not as flattering or as flirty as I would like – and I have got a little bit over it in the last few days, it has seen me through the worst of the hot summer days that global warming will continue to inflict on us.
The Miss Honey
Just as Roald Dahl’s Miss Honey is the Platonic Ideal of teachers, I’ve titled my Platonic Ideal Teaching Dresses ‘Miss Honeys’. Since starting tutoring in July 2009, my ideas teaching outfit has been reworked and refined. I’ve now concluded that the best teaching outfits are based on a dress with the following features: A high (ish) neckline, a fitted bodice, a knee length fitted skirt OR an above the knee flared/pleased skirt. Additional features include the capacity for a top underneath and/or a cardigan over the top, belting optional, and colourful scarves, bags, and interesting jewellery a must. I have four dresses which are more or less perfect Miss Honeys, but, as always with Platonic Ideals, rotation and replacement is imperative. What I love about this particular way of dressing is that it is ‘on message’ – I’m friendly and approachable, but I take tutoring seriously – but it’s also very easy to wear. Because of the dress’ simplicity, there are minimal elements that can go wrong. And, when you are facing a class of twenty hostile and confused first years, or a lecture theatre of two hundred of the same, the less things that can go wrong, the better.
The Belt
I can’t really think of any superlatives for the belt – maybe because I can’t put my gratitude toward my collection of belts into words. Over time, they’ve moulded to the contours of my waist, and consequentially look a little worn and tired in these photographs. But, they still do the trick – of holding in place a blousy top, of showing the world that I have a shape, of reminding me by a little gentle pressure that perhaps I don’t need that third piece of cake with afternoon tea. One of the blessings of being an hourglass-y shape is that all you need to do with the vast majority of outfits is add a belt, preferably wide with a large buckle, at your waist, and you instantly look better. Kaftan? Add a belt. Skirt and Top? Add a Belt. Vintage Dress that’s a little too big? Add a belt. Daggy trackies and a hoodie? Add a belt – ok, maybe not in this instance, but I think you get my drift – there’s almost no silhouette problem that an artful belting can’t remedy.
The Black Cardigan
Like my Miss Honeys, the black cardigans in my life are what I turn to when I need something reliable – something reassuringly plain and simple, like a cup of English breakfast tea with a splash of milk. They’re never going to grab a headline, or be the feature of an outfit, but nothing works better to warm you up, or cover up some wobbly upper arms. Like so many of my Platonic Ideal collection, my current crop of black cardis is a little worse for repeated wear – my favourite one, a black wool v-neck Veronica Maine with tortishell buttons, has been carefully washed, darned and de-linted at the end of the last three autumns, ready for winter, but I think this year it will be retired back to the cave, provided, of course, that I can find something similarly ideal with which to replace it. Ah, the never ending quest for Total Perfection.
The Party Piece
Of course, I’m not always in the mood for something plain and reassuring like a black cardigan, or charmingly elegant and appropriate, like my Miss Honeys. Sometimes, the only way to go about getting dressed is to put on your devil-may-care boots, (literal or metaphorical) and get down with your bad self, even if you’re just catching the bus to the city to buy moisturiser and towels. On days like that, you need the Platonic Ideal Party Piece – a garment that crashes the party, chugs a bottle of champagne, and yet still charms the pants off everybody with her look at moi charm. Kitch, kooky and completely one-of a kind defines the ideal party piece for me. It’s probably for these reasons that many of my party pieces are vintage. A party piece is born, not made, and for these reasons you must always snap one up when you see it, no iffs, buts, or maybes.
Reader, there it is – a snapshot of my Platonic Ideal wardrobe. But, as always, the quest for Total Perfection is far from over, and I look forward to sharing with you, in the coming months, the search for the perfect boot, the perfect bra, and the perfect pair of old-fashioned stockings. Yes, the quest for Total Perfection is a long and arduous, but what is life without ideals?
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