Cellulite: Not a Problem, Just a Solution Waiting to Happen

Cellulite. An ugly word for an even uglier phenomena. I’ve denied its existence this winter (the magic of America Apparel tights) but, as the days get longer and hemlines get shorter, denying the dimple is nigh on impossible.

I can’t, I won’t, accept what science tells me: that cellulite is always with us. I hope, I believe, that cellulite is not a problem, just a solution waiting to happen.

(And, yes, in case you were wondering, I’m a glass half full girl. For instance, I really, truly, believe that one day Julia Gillard and Tony Abbot will admit that they’re passionately, deeply, sexually-magnetically-pheremonically in love. The last three years of parliamentary debate? That wasn’t well informed political discussion. That was foreplay. DURH!).

In addition to my usual I-suppose-I-should behaviours of walking lots, going to the gym, not smoking - massive sadness - and eating all the good things (behaviours which are supposed to help say kthxbai to cellulite), I’m going to have a go at some possible cellulite solutions.

And, because I’m all about the caring and sharing, I’m going to run a series of posts on the efficacy of said solutions in removing thigh wobble, ass jiggle, and general unattractive lower body dimpling.

I could tell you what I’m thinking of trying, but I won’t, because that would spoil the fun. But I will share with you, this week, the first possible cellulite solution in my series of experiments.

Believing that classics are thus for a reason, I started with a product that, whilst not explicitly marketed as a treatement for cellulite, has a high impact factor in key discussions around cellulite solutions. That product is Palmer’s Cocoa Butter.

I bought some last Friday at Coles. In the interests of declaring experimental biases, my first impressions of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter were that the retro-cool packaging evokes a hard working authenticity. There is an air of: this is a product that works, without illustrations of remorselessly blasted fat cells to prove it.

Upon first application, a few principal advantages of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter emerged:
• it smells like chocolate;
• if you apply enough of it, you, too, will smell like chocolate:
• you can get it at Coles;
• it costs less than $10 a bottle; and
• it comes in a pump pack. (I always opt for the pump rather than the squeeze when it comes to beauty products. Every second counts when you run as late as I frequently do).

One week into the experiment, there is a general increase in thigh and bottom smoothness. While the cellulite is still a problem a solution waiting to happen, its incidence has decreased.

Arguably, an uncontrolled variable could be skewing these results. The increase in smoothness could be attributed to the strong, circular motions used to apply Palmer’s (it’s thick, you really have to work it in). Extensive literature published in reputable journals - Cleo, Cosmo, Marie Claire - suggests massage as an effective anti-cellulite intervention.

Confounding factors and alternate solutions will, of course, be explored in further experimental research.

Which means: watch this space, beauty geeks.