Twee Monster

Sometimes it’s hard to stay cool, calm and grown up. Sometimes, you just want to embrace your inner three year old, and wear everything that’s pink, sparkly, motif-ed and pastel all at once.

This morning, I found myself gripped by the Twee Monster. Imagine the bastard love child of Julie Andrews (circa The Sound of Music) and Elton John (circa now and forevermore) – and you’re getting close to what my personal Twee Monster looks like.
You see, on what was shaping up to be a boring, let’s wear what’s clean day (I was doing two loads of washing), a rather lovely surprise was left on my doorstep by Australia post. It was an early birthday present from Clementine Kemp – a beautiful vintage sundress, full skirted, in the most darling turquoise polka dot. Before I knew it, I’d been stealth hit by the twee monster. I was wearing four different shades of pastel (turquoise, lemon, pink, lilac), three different motifs (polka dots, cherries, bows), two rings on the one hand (to tie in both the turquoise and lilac elements, natch), and one very distressed look on my face.

These are the consequences of overexposure to Elton John in the womb, and a childhood full of wholesome family entertainment. Clearly, urgent action needed to be taken.

So, how best to counterbalance the ravages of the Twee Monster?

It’s quite simple. I’ve got two words for you:

Black, and leather.

As exhibit A shows, I kept the foundational elements of the Twee outfit:


But added, as per exhibit B:


A big black leather bag, a tan leather belt, and some simple black onyx studs, and, like magic, the Twee Monster disappeared, back into its colour matched cave, with a copy of Elton’s greatest hits and the boxed commemorative Sound of Music DVD by way of consolation.

Except, then, the weather changed, and I had to start from scratch with today’s outfit…ah well, can’t win all your battles!